BREAKING NEWS! The Golden Hammer confirms Governor Abbott will continue to shutter bars, inner tubing rental companies, while moving forward with process to reopen restaurants in Thursday Chinese Coronavirus announcement

BREAKING NEWS! The Golden Hammer confirms Governor Abbott will continue to shutter bars, inner tubing rental companies, while moving forward with process to reopen restaurants in Thursday Chinese Coronavirus announcement

Image: Texas Governor Greg Abbott has mongered fear, created panic, and destroyed the Texas economy with his Chinese Coronavirus shutdown orders. BREAKING NEWS! The Golden Hammer Staff Reports Austin, September 17 – Governor Greg Abbott will provide an update on Texas’ continued response to COVID-19 on Thursday, September 17, 2020 at 12 noon at the State […]

Super Bowl Week: Transcript of the Greatest Press Conference in the Entire History of the United States!

The following is a full transcript of the remarks of Marshawn Lynch, former star running back, Seattle Seahawks, when he gave the most brilliant press conference in American history in just five minutes (precisely) on January 27, 2015. The questions don’t really matter and are boring anyway, especially in comparison to Lynch’s brilliant prose. Lynch: […]