Conroe, April 1 – Montgomery County Republican Party Chairman Wally Wilkerson announced early this morning that he is switching political parties. “I’ve decided to join the Republican Party,” Wilkerson told a group of reporters and supporters at the dilapidated Party Headquarters this morning, April 1, 2019.
“Until now, under my extraordinary leadership, the Montgomery County Republican Party has served as an adjunct for the local democrat Party for politicians who wanted to win elections by representing to voters that they are Republicans. Back in the 1970s, the Party needed money and candidates, so we decided to allow anyone to run as a Republican regardless of their political views. My goodness; we even allowed Craig Doyal and Charlie Riley to run as Republicans,” Chairman Wilkerson elucidated.
“The situation has changed now, however. Sadly, in the 2018 Republican Primary Election, the Montgomery County Republican Party was taken over by Republicans. Under that Reed guy and that terrible Wertz fellow, our organization has no choice. We need money badly. Reed and Wertz and their disgusting group of people known as ‘conservatives’ have prevented me from raising the money I need to operate my Party with respect to my important functions. I’m running out of money to pay for my office. I’ve also got to pay for the salary of my private secretary,” Wilkerson said.
This newspaper asked Wilkerson why he needs a private secretary. Wilkerson answered, “I pay her from Party funds to ensure she is the one person I can count on as loyal to me.”
Wilkerson noted that from now on the Republican Party will have to be a part of the Republican Party. “My closest backers – Kristin Nichole, Charlie Riley, Charlie Parada, Jodi Ruonavar – and I are all dumbfounded that we’re actually going to have to give some credence to that disgusting group known as ‘conservatives.’ The two Charlies are working hard to recruit candidates to defeat them in the next election. Ritzy and Ted Fletcher are working to corrupt the Tea Party group, so they’ll be ineffective come March, 2020. In the meantime, however, I’m out of money for my office. I’m afraid we may have to sell the manual typewriter, the Rolodex, and abacus on which we continue to rely to conduct our business.”
Neither elected Vice Chairman Reagan Reed nor elected Treasurer John Wertz responded to requests for comment.