WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS HUMOR. IF YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF SUCH, PLEASE GO TO BED.
Conroe, February 27 – Inspired by his own attempt to divert attention away from his failure to control Montgomery County government spending by introducing a resolution in the Montgomery County Commissioners Court calling for statewide school finance reform, Montgomery County Judge Craig Doyal has announced a campaign to end earthquakes. “The threat of earthquakes to Texas families must come to an end. The Luling-Mexia-Talco fault zone has worried me and my loved ones for many decades. I feel for the people of Montgomery County and surrounding areas. I hereby call upon the Texas Legislature to act swiftly to end the threat of earthquakes in Hopkins County and anywhere else.”
Doyal noted that the University of Texas Bureau of Economic Geology has long studied the cause of earthquakes in Texas and elsewhere. “Must innocent families continue to face this terrible shame? It is time for Montgomery County to support initiatives to reform the threat of earthquakes. Can you imagine the damage that reverberations from Luling could cause to our beloved Tx-249 3.6 mile extension? We might have to employ Bobby Adams for the next three decades…hmmmm…”
Doyal expressed his disappointment that Precinct 3 Commissioner James Noack has expressed an unwillingness to commit the entire road and bridge budget through the end of the 22nd century to the earthquake relief effort. “I believe the Montgomery County Toll Road Authority should dedicate $69.9 billion for the construction of three giant bridges across each of the Luling Fault Zone, Mexia Fault Zone, and Talco Fault Zone. We would charge a $50 toll to cross over each bridge. Golly, we’d make lots of money.”
When Noack confronted Doyal with the existence of Interstate 10 and Interstate 20 each of which already cross over the fault zones without problems, Doyal responded, “I’ve always known that Commissioner Noack opposes mobility projects. This one is a doozie. Think of all the money we, Bobby and I, could make…errr, I mean…the citizens of Hopkins County…no, I mean, the people of Montgomery County!”