Editorial: I am responsible for bringing an end to the Cold War (with inspiration from Charlie Riley)

Eric Yollick, The Golden Hammer

After The Golden Hammer, Montgomery County’s leading daily newspaper, published the Featured story today about embattled Precinct 2 Montgomery County Commissioner Charlie Riley’s failure to participate in River Plantation’s Trash Pick Up Day on Saturday, April 28, 2018, the Riley campaign faced a desperate problem. On Saturday, reports came out about the racism in Riley’s campaign. On Sunday, Riley’s failure to fulfill a promise to River Plantation came to the fore.

Therefore, Riley had to take desperate measures. First, Riley took credit for someone else providing food for the Trash Day. Second, Riley’s campaign published a photograph of Riley standing with River Plantation CIA’s leadership several days ago, so that Riley could try to take credit for the Trash Day activities which he failed to attend. (What made the situation worse for Riley was that his challenger, former Comal County Commissioner and noted conservative author Gregory Parker, actually was in River Plantation leading a trash pickup team on Saturday).

It turns out that the River Plantation CIA president already works on Riley’s campaign and has politically endorsed him. She publicly thanked Riley, who did NOT attend the event, but, when Gregory Parker finished pickup up an enormous quantity of trash, the CIA president only asked Parker “where do live” and didn’t even thank him.

Nevertheless, I find this turn of events very exciting. Charlie Riley had a photograph taken standing with people involved in an event but which someone took several days before the event. Riley then took credit for the event.

I’m going to follow Charlie Riley’s fine leadership.

In 1978, Governor Ronald Reagan attended my high school’s graduation ceremonies in Dallas. I was a high school junior and had my picture taken with the future President standing next to him. In 1980, I worked on Reagan’s Presidential Campaign in New Jersey while I was in college and had my picture taken with the future President standing next to him several times.

As a result, I, Eric Yollick, now the lowly Publisher of The Golden Hammer, hereby take the credit for bringing an end to the Cold War between the United States and the Soviet empire. Remember, I had my picture taken with Ronald Reagan…

When may I expect to collect my Nobel Peace Prize?

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