BREAKING NEWS! El Torino defeats The Redneck Brawler for Micro Wrestling Federation Championship title in Conroe

BREAKING NEWS! El Torino defeats The Redneck Brawler for Micro Wrestling Federation Championship title in Conroe

Image: El Torino (at left in mask holding Championship Belt) celebrates his victory with three women fanatic sycophants (from left to right, Ginger Russell, Kelli Cox, and Ashley “Askkey” Burke) after he seized the World Championship Belt in his decisive victory over The Redneck Brawler for the Micro Wrestling Federation Champion title in Conroe on Friday, April 30, 2021.

The Golden Hammer Staff Reports

BREAKING NEWS!

Conroe, May 3- El Torino defeated “The Redneck Brawler” decisively for the Micro Wrestling Federation’s Championship Belt on Friday, April 21, 2021, at the Lone Star Convention Center in Conroe. The crowd, particularly those under the age of 10 over whom El Torino almost towered, roared as the brilliant wrestler cast his opponent over the top ring of the arena never for him to return.

El Torino holds the World Championship Belt after his decisive victory of The Redneck Brawler for the Micro Wrestling Federation Champion title in Conroe on Friday, April 30, 2021.

El Torino took a mighty beating receiving several blows to the groin and about the head from The Redneck Brawler, who taunted the crowd during the match and seemed to lose focus as a result, particularly after Ashley “Ashkey” Burke loudly heckled and spat upon him, as she shouted “Better not ever send a text message to me you nasty beast!” After Burke’s taunts, El Torino took control of the match, throwing The Redneck Brawler against the corner post several times, dragging his head upon the floor and eventually tossing the Brawler’s entire body up in the air and over the top rope of the ring.

It was a magnificant display of micro violence, inspiring bellowing whoops from Magnolia’s Calvin Russell, the husband of Ginger Russell, the “Quiet Lady From Magnolia.”

The crowd went wild in appreciation for the violence. Even one member of the “political class,” i.e. the “establishment” attended the combative event but requested that this newspaper keep her identity anonymous.

“I’ve never witnessed anything so violent and so heartpounding,” Ginger Russell told this newspaper.

“The MWF fighters are giants in my heart,” Burke screamed.

The Golden Hammer, Montgomery County’s leading daily newspaper was one of the Business Sponsors of the event. The other sponsor, South Central Data, known for “protecting the privacy of your stuff,” also had business representatives in attendance at the major sporting event.

One lady expressed her true feelings: “I’ve never seen such enormous athleticism in my life. All of the MWF fighters tower over other athletes,” she said.

The Redneck Brawler wastes El Torino during the MWF Championship Match in Conroe on Friday, April 30, 2021.

Conroe’s Lone Star Convention Center filled with fans of MWF fighting wearing “I Support Micro Violence” tee shirts as well as other paraphernalia to honor the magnitude of the violent conflagration.

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